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I hate birthdays- mine or others’. Growing up, my family did organize my birthdays for me, every year. They even made some surprise parties; but I’ve never really enjoyed it that much. Since it’s expected from one’s family to celebrate it for him, I lost interest in it really quickly. It’s always fun and put a smile to my face when my family do something for me, but I’d rather have my friends do something for me. In other words, I’d rather have a friend go out of his way than my parents who are just doing it because it’s the obvious thing to do.

Whenever my birthday is coming up, or when I take part in someone’s birthday party, I get sad and envious. I tell myself that other people are so lucky to have such good friends that want to throw a party for them. I’ve tried for a few years to throw parties for my birthday thinking that I’ll make something so crazy that people would want to hang out with me after that. The only problem is that I’ve never had any creative idea besides going to a coffee shop, restaurant, BBQ in the nature, or go clubbing. Therefore, I’ve always shot myself in the foot: whenever I would think of something, I would tell myself that this or that Idea isn’t good and therefore I don’t want to celebrate. Truth is, I do something for my birthday and people do everything to make me happy, I don’t even care if we are locked in a basement starving to death.

I always want to show people how badass I am and therefore not celebrating my birthday is not an issue. I’d tell people how I don’t mind about some silly days to gather up with my friends. So what if I was born today? Why should I celebrate something like that?! It’s just another random day with no real significance. Hence, I don’t celebrate it because I don’t give a shit. Well, it’s wrong! I want to celebrate it, I want people to organize it for me and show me how they care about me.

A few years ago, my cousin and one of my best friends wanted to do something for me. Although it was a last minute thing and they waited till we meet on due date to ask me what I want to do, I was happy that they wanted to please me. We spent the next 30 minutes standing in the street and thinking about something. I didn’t find anything that would make me happy- oh yeah! I became a demanding bitch over the years- we ended up in a new pizzeria- just the three of us. I had fun that night, but still woke up the next morning thinking to myself that my social life sucks.

I want people to throw a party for me. I want a friend to call me up and tell me, “Drop everything you’re doing! No excuses! No questions asked! Be downstairs in 30 minutes, we are going to celebrate your birthday with [name], [name], [name], [name], and [name]” or better yet, “Could you come help me build that new Ikea closet” and once I get there, 30 people jumps on me yelling “Surprise!” But since it had never happened, I just lost any hope of it ever happening to me.

I was at my friend’s birthday party last week. We were 20 people. As soon as we surprised him, you could see how happy he was. His face was lit up, he was smiling, he was surprised, and I could see how he was happy. The next day he sent me a thank you message. See, that’s the feeling I want to have. That’s the reaction I want to have. I couldn’t help myself but be really jealous, that his friends, which are my good friends too (both of us are probably their best friends here), didn’t do anything for me. And that is a hell of a deception.

This year, I moved to another country. I started building my social circle from scratch and I really thought that it’s going to be different: my birthday would be great, people would call me up and invite me to everything they do (I.e. dinner, parties, movie night, pizza party etc.), look forward to spend time with me, and so on. While almost everything in that list is happening, my birthday party was non-existent. That was a big punch to my face. That’s the moment I realized that my friends here are superficial.

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